For so many years, I focused only on the bad in my life. I let negative thoughts rule me, and I hated every single day. It started in my early 30s, stopped for a few years, then came roaring back at 40. My 40s were pure hell—like living with a demon inside me every day. I had toxic friends, toxic jobs, toxic living conditions, and toxic finances. My 40s were brutal - my dream job ended, my dream relationship ended, my dream house ended, and my world was a HOT MESS.
Now, in my 50s, I’m working to shed that negativity and toxicity. It’s tough. After spending so many years hating everything, letting it go is hard. How did I do it? By cutting ties with everyone and leaving the city I loved, starting over in a small town in southern New Mexico. Sure, I complain about Las Cruces constantly, but this is my season to rebuild and reinvent myself.
I push myself daily to focus on the good, even when I want to complain about everything. I probably ask, “What kind of place is this?” ten times a day. But I live in a place that’s helping me heal, repair, and think about the future instead of dwelling on the last 20-plus years.
I can’t look back on the years of pain, sorrow, bitterness, and all the other bad stuff. As part of the Whole 30 lifestyle, I have to focus on the NOW and my FUTURE.
This is my journey.
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